El Verdugo
by thecreepingwolf
Summary: Year 4 at Hogwarts begins with a murder.


El Verdugo

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the series' characters.

Everyone was gathered in the Great Hall as it was the first day of school at good old Hogwarts. The feast had been spectacular as always and everyone was looking forward to another year of excitement. The students were just finishing dessert when Dumbledore rose to make his announcements. The usual greetings and guidelines were spoken along with some words of encouragement.

"And finally, Hagrid would like to make an announcement." finished Dumbledore.

_This_ turned some heads. Anticipating some dire warning about a creature Hagrid thought would make a good addition to the grounds, everyone gave him their full attention. The half-giant rose from his seat and stumbled to Dumbledore's podium. Something seemed very off. The podium creaked as Hagrid braced himself against it.

"Er, Hello everybody..." spoke Hagrid. More than a few people noticed his eyes blinking out of sync.

"Uh...I think ya' should pay close attention-"

At this Hagrid dropped his pants.

"This here is El Verdugo."spoke the half giant.

Every student in the Hall gasped.

Convulsing like a live wire was an enormous phallus. If it would hold still it would've reached the floor with plenty of slack.

"Now, the firs' person ta come up here and successfully subdue El Verdugo will get 300 house points." boomed Hagrid.

The Great Hall broke into a collective murmur. At the Gryffindor table Harry, Hermione, and Ron looked at each other in shock. It was obvious that Hagrid was drunk out of his skull. Why wasn't any of the professors doing anything? Harry looked to the front of the Hall where said professors were seated: Not a single one of them looked alarmed in the slightest. Hell, it might've well been Dumbledore still up there giving his announcements. Speaking of Dumbledore, he was standing to the far left observing the scene with his typical serenity.

A blonde streak shot between Gryffindor and Raven Claw's table. It was Luna Lovegood. Luna was running full speed down the aisle toward Hagrid and El Verdugo. Just as the blonde reached out to grab the phallus, an alarm went off in Harry's brain.

"_That thing is dangerous..." _

When Luna tried to close her hand around the thick shaft it whipped around slapped her with a sickening crunch. The blonde went flying across the Great Hall and smashed into the wall. Hard. After sliding to the floor she didn't move. After a moment of stunned silence Neville Longbottom got up and approached the downed Luna. She was merely unconscious, luckily. Neville then turned his attention to El Verdugo, staring as if he couldn't believe it was real. Hagrid raised his eyebrows in provocation. Slowly the boy drew his wand.

"Nope, bare hands only." rumbled Hagrid, his voice thick with inebriation.

Hesitantly, Neville put away his wand before approaching El Verdugo. When the monstrous phallus snapped in his direction the boy took a couple steps back.

"C'mon, ya gotta do better than that!" boomed Hagrid.

As El Verdugo swung away from Neville, the boy took the opportunity to lunge. In a flash the penis swatted him out of mid-air, knocking the wind out of him. Neville lay on his back gasping for a few seconds before passing out.

Groups of students began sprinting toward the front of the hall in a mad rush to subdue El Verdugo. All Harry could see was students being slapped through the air left and right while more students swarmed in right behind them. Over the student's screams and yells, Harry could hear Hagrid:

"Yeah, tha's how ya do it! Show him who's boss!" slurred the half giant.

Standing on the table, Harry could see over the mob of students. All of the professors were watching the proceeds as if it was nothing unusual. Dumbledore was even craning his neck to get a better view of the action. Finally, a boy with slick platinum blonde hair could be seen approaching El Verdugo/Hagrid while flanked by two others. With lightening fast speed, Crabbe and Goyle were sent flying in opposite directions leaving Malfoy alone before the atrocity. Instead of merely smacking him aside as it had down everyone else who approached, El Verdugo lassoed itself around Malfoy's neck in two tight coils and pinned him to the floor with a crunch. A clear, wet crunch rang out as Malfoy's neck was broken with a violent lurch by El Verdugo.

Those who had been close by for their shot at subduing the phallus suddenly cut and run now that someone had been killed. Some students were now pounding on the doors to the Great Hall but they'd been locked. Silence gripped the Hall as everyone turned toward the teachers at the other end. Hagrid was standing awkwardly with his cock still around Draco's neck. In the silence the sound of a single person clapping rang out.

"Very well done, Hagrid." said Dumbledore approaching the half giant. As Hagrid turned toward Dumbledore, his cock finally loosed its hold on Draco's neck. Dumbledore pulled Hagrids pants up with no resistance from El Verdugo and then turned toward the students staring in silence.

"I think that's enough excitement for one night." beamed Dumbledore. "I think we should all go to bed to be well rested for our first day of classes. You're dismissed."

With a wave of his hand the doors to the entrance hall unlocked.

"I however must send an owl to Draco's parents…." trailed Dumbledore as he exited his podium.

Harry, Ron and Hermione filed out wordless until they got to the common room. A cacophony of talk was buzzing about what they'd all just witnessed.

"he's dead"

"did you see the size of it!?"

"what was the point of that?"

Though numerous theories abounded nobody, including the Trio, ever managed to figure out why Dumbledore had permitted the murder of a student in front of the whole school as if it were just some depraved after dinner special. And did he _intend _for Malfoy to be the victim? Honestly, no-one really cared but it could have been hapless Neville or poor little Luna on the receiving end (they were however, recovering in the infirmary from a few fractures sustained).

Lucius Malfoy had been seen storming down to the castle white-faced with rage and leaving in utter horror. Rumor had it that Narcissa Malfoy was in a semi- coherent state of hysterics over her only child's death by penis.

Maybe this was Dumbledore's eccentric way knocking that Malfoys down a few notches and sending a message to arrogant pureblood families? No one was ever sure. This was bought home by McGonagall appearing in the common room to have a talk with all Gryffindors.

"We all know that Dumbledore is a great man….who's methods can't always be grasped…" she seemed to struggle for words. "I think it best to put this behind us and continue a productive year of work."

She left through the portrait hole leaving little comfort behind. The trio assumed the other Houses had been given similar talks by their head professors.

One thing was certain: It was the most well behaved year at Hogwarts ever.

**The End.**

I dug this little gem up from 2 years ago, half finished. I couldn't believe It'd been sitting so went ahead and polished it off and posted it. Review and check out my other stories 'Scars of Azkaban', 'Dese Flies', and 'Soul Desertion'.


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